3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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