this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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