I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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