we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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