matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
well you can't waste a boner
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
