Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
