shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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