2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
