Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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