It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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