So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
