I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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