Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
