Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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