I just pynch a tree in the face
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
