let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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