you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
