woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
third nipple confirmed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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