"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
