My Higher Power is John Stamos
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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