We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
