I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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