you traded sex for a burrito?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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