I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
