On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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