I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
