I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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