So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
