1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
