from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
