Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
