That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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