Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
