His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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