i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
