Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
