i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
