I wish my penis had an off switch
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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