so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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