i already hear my dad disowning me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
