No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I cannot find my penis.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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