It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
