She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
