I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
