So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
