i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
