i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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