i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
