I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
