She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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