I showed him my bush... on skype.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I need water and some morals
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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