haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
